


Moonbeam

by luminescentglow



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pre-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Sharing a Bed, i take a stab at it, the post tlj/pre tros angst no one asked for, what happened in that very long year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25907905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminescentglow/pseuds/luminescentglow
Summary: At her touch, he abruptly awakens, instinctively launching himself into a seated position, his large hand wrapping around her forearm tightly. He’s breathing harshly, dark eyes wide in fear. Through the bond, she can feel his fierce need for his weapon. She espies his lightsaber lying beside him on his bedside table, easily accessible, always nearby. She sees flashes from a different time, a night when he’d awoken to green light and the twisted eyes of someone he thought had cared.“Ssh, it’s alright. It’s just me. You’re ok, Ben,” his birth name slips past her lips. On principle, she hasn’t called him that since they united against Snoke on the Supremacy, but, in this moment, it feels necessary…it feels right.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 17
Kudos: 66





	Moonbeam

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a part of a longer fic I've been slowly plugging away at...but - long story short - I wasn't able to effectively fit a flashback into the narrative. So here ya go! Have some angst, I guess?

_ I had a dream that you came to me shining down _

_ Through the clouds like a moonbeam _

_ There you were _

* * *

Rey opens her eyes and is only half surprised to find herself no longer lying in the bunk she fell asleep in. Lately, the Force has deigned to connect she and Ren at rather inconvenient times and localities, but she has managed to conceal the bond’s existence to the Resistance. However, given the changing nature of the bond, wherein reality bleeds into their connection more and more, she’s recently had to relocate from the shared barracks to the Falcon as an extra precaution.

She pushes up and onto her knees, feeling a cold, smooth floor beneath her palms. Though it’s dark, she’s able to ascertain that she’s aboard a ship. The barely-there hum of its inner workings (not at all like the incessant clanking on the Falcon) exposes it as a large, opulent one. There is a dazzling combination of moonlight and starlight streaming in through a series of small portholes on the far wall. They must be in realspace, orbiting some celestial body.

When her eyes fully adjust to the dimness, she recognizes the large figure huddled away across the room from her on a bed that is much too small for his tall frame. She stands, moving infinitesimally closer and watches the steady rise and fall of his back as he breathes. She’s not sure if she’s happy that she’s found him asleep. A part of her is thankful; she won’t have to listen to his sharp tongue or one of his recruiting speeches that he seems particularly prone to give as of late. Another part of her (she wants to claim, even if only to herself, that it’s a much smaller part, but she knows that’s a lie) misses his quick wit and elegant eyes that betray his seemingly endless empathy for her.

A pained groan sounds from the bed, and she watches as he turns fitfully in his sleep, his pale face now visible in the moonlight. He looks so unbelievably young and fragile.  _ She shouldn’t be here _ , she thinks. It feels too intimate watching him dream, seeing him at his most vulnerable.

Her dreams had been her closest friends on Jakku, her nightmares were her greatest adversaries. The latter had afflicted her nearly every night as she lay alone, curled up on her makeshift bedding, her small fighter doll in hand. Sometimes in her dreams, the sandstorms buried her alive. Other times, she watched her parents’ ship leave on replay, with no means of changing the outcome. Most often, she dreamed of her parents returning, but, just as she was about to board their ship, she’d be ripped out of the scene with a finality that cut her to her core. Regardless of the content of the nightmare, they always ended the same. She would awake in terror, with no one to talk her down, no one to reassure her that it would be okay. Even daylight brought her no hope and did nothing to soothe her fears. She doesn’t wish that upon her worst enemy; she doesn’t wish that upon  _ him _ .

He’s whimpering pitifully now, his sheets clutched in clenched fists. His brow furrows, marring his features and she can see the perspiration dotting his temples. She knows how this goes, what it feels like to be plagued by nightmares unceasingly, only to wake up scared and alone. Perhaps that’s why, against her better judgement, she closes the distance between them, crossing the room and coming to rest next to his bed. Before she can change her mind, she sits down upon the edge. She tentatively reaches her hand out to stroke his pliant head. Giving in completely, she firmly brushes away the sweat-soaked hair that has fallen in his face.

At her touch, he abruptly awakens, instinctively launching himself into a seated position, his large hand wrapping around her forearm tightly. He’s breathing harshly, dark eyes wide in fear. Through the bond, she can feel his fierce need for his weapon. She espies his lightsaber lying beside him on his bedside table, easily accessible, always nearby. She sees flashes from a different time, a night when he’d awoken to green light and the twisted eyes of someone he thought had cared.

“Ssh, it’s alright. It’s just me. You’re ok, Ben,” his birth name slips past her lips. On principle, she hasn’t called him that since they united against Snoke on the Supremacy, but, in this moment, it feels necessary…it feels  _ right _ .

Rey doesn’t know what else to say, but she relays what comforts she can, comforts she wishes someone would have bestowed upon her. She brings her free hand to the side of his face, thumb timidly grazing his cheekbone. All at once, the fight leaves him. His eyes aren’t as wild; he’s lost his frantic disposition. The hand wrapped around her relaxes, no longer applying excessive pressure, but he doesn’t yet release her fully from his hold.

“Just you.” It’s a whisper, hardly distinguishable, as if he’s trying to convince himself of her presence.

“Just me,” she reassures.

He falls back against his bed, raven hair spilling across his white pillow in stark contrast, hand now lightly encasing her wrist, as if he doesn’t want to - can’t - let go of her entirely.

“Stay with me until you fade?” It’s not a command. In fact, she’s not even sure she’s heard him correctly. His voice is low, his tone the gentlest he’s ever taken with her and she can sense his hesitance.

“Please,” he murmurs, eyes beseeching.

Her gaze drops to where his fingers brush her skin, momentarily unnerved by his imploring stare. She’s torn. A part of her wants to rip her hand away, scared that she is disappointing a select few people. She’s not sure what they would do should they find out about this unseemly rendezvous. But the other half of her is bursting with compassion for this broken man and she desperately wants to pull him into her arms and never let go.

When she looks up at him again, she realizes he’s silently crying, tear tracks painting his usually stern face. Her immediate reaction is to slowly peel back the blankets he’s woven himself into, worming her way under until she’s barely grazing his side with her own. She’s not entirely prepared for the onslaught of feelings that being so close to him evokes within her. Eventually, she turns to face him, loosely slinging an arm around his torso, resting her cheek against his solid chest. After a few moments of tension, she feels his arms relax as they slide around her, engulfing her.  _ If this is supposed to be bad _ , she muses,  _ then why does it feel so good? _

“Is it always the same nightmare?” She doesn’t know if she’s pushing her luck, but she asks anyways.

“No.” His answer is whispered, lips brushing delicately against her temple as he speaks, and she can’t help the shiver that runs through her at the minimal contact.

Rey waits for him to continue; she can feel him weighing his thoughts, parsing together the right words in his mind. She closes her eyes, giving him the time that he needs to formulate a response.

“Sometimes,” he begins quietly, “I’ve failed Snoke and he’s relentless in his punishment.” 

In her mind, she’s suddenly inundated with currents of lightning. The bolts disappear almost instantly, but, to her horror, the scene that unfolds next shows Ben’s prone body on the floor, twitching through aftershocks of electrical energy. She distinctly remembers this kind of pain and will never forget the agony or the screams it tore from her. How many times has he suffered this treatment?

Rey elects to cover Ben in reassurance.

_ Snoke is dead. _

_ He can no longer hurt you. _

_ You’re safe from that Monster. _

_ “Thanks to you,” _ she hears through the bond. It’s accompanied by an almost imperceptible stroke of her upper arm.

A few moments pass before he continues.

“Sometimes, it’s eerily quiet and I get this foreboding sense of wrongness, like reaching out to Grandfather and hearing nothing. I feel this heavy weight on my chest, this claustrophobic, overwhelming emptiness.”

This next admission saddens her. His entire life he’s tried to find his place in the galaxy; he’s still that lost boy.

“Sometimes,” his voice grows hoarse, and for a minute he’s unable to push forward.

Rey feels his inner turmoil roiling across the bond in waves. She squeezes him more tightly to her, instinctively pressing her lips chastely to his pectoral muscles in silent support.

“Sometimes I… sometimes I see…  _ him _ (he isn’t able to voice a name, but a picture of Han is conjured in her mind) that bridge, the red light of my blade…” his speech gives way to an agonized sob, and he buries his head in her hair, his hands fanning out along her back and pressing her closer as he cries, desperately needing to be connected to someone, somehow, if only for a moment.

She understands this need more than anyone else ever could. And so, she holds him as he falls apart in her arms, murmuring soft words in his ear as he clings to her. Not for the first time, she finds herself wondering how he’d respond if she were to ask him to come home. Home to the Light, home to Leia, home to  _ her _ . She mulls it over as she rubs soothing circles across his broad back. As his sobs start to ebb, she decides to throw caution to the wind, summoning courage from nameless deities she’s not sure even exist.

“Ben,” she tenderly calls out to him.

He lifts his head to meet her gaze; his brown eyes alight in the moonbeam, filled with an emotion she can’t quite decipher. He brings his right hand up, letting his thumb languidly stroke her cheekbone, drifting down to her jawline and back.

Before she can utter another word, or process his fond gesture, their connection is abruptly severed.

Rey blinks, finding herself aboard the Falcon, alone again, left with only the phantom feel of Ben’s embrace for company.

* * *

The next time she sees him, it’s as if that night never happened. Gone, is Ben Solo. Kylo Ren has been carefully reconstructed. His eyes glint like steel; there is no vulnerability in his bearing. And Rey feels her heart breaking for the both of them.

* * *

_ The sun will rise and fade the stars _

_ And you're leaving me soon, like hell you are _

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so very sorry if I've hurt you with this - I hurt myself writing it. Please read my fluff as a remedy!!! (Shamelessly plugs other stories xD)
> 
> Also, if anyone is interested, I was listening to Moonbeam by Lord Huron while writing this...I highly recommend the song for your Reylo playlists!
> 
> What are your head canons for the post tlj/pre tros time period?! Let me know in the comments!


End file.
